Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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