you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
