I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
