remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
