puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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