none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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