matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
