I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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