now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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