You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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