Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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