Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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