Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
