i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The adults are the big ones right?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize