But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize