i think my tv is drunk
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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