Nicole vs. Life
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
