After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just tell him i said nine months
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
