OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
