He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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