Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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