She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
