i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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