All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
