let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
