It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
