At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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