we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize