i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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