im having a threesome with these popsicles
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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