Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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