Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize