my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
there is glitter all over my balls
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