dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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