Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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