i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
