nut hugger
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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