at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
