I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
