and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
