she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Randomize
