Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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