Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
