Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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