fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
