Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize