spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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