He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
