TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
