do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you didnt know i had herpes?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
