I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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