Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
