even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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