My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You are a genius and a whore.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
