You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
