it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
