we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the condom got lost in my hair
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need water and some morals
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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