I love black thongs
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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