I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
