I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
