mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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