Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
