Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
