So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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