I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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