his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
im holly from the hills drunk
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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