Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I want her autograph on my taint
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
