they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
