Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
