you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he thought i was a dude.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
