So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
