Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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