Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
