I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
