new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
