You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
