I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
